from 5/2/22 newsletter
Recent weeks seem to have been plagued by a series of delayed or canceled client projects, lulls in my productivity, and a perfect storm of minor inconveniences. I often choose to write these newsletters ahead of time over the weekend or during a creative hour early on Monday mornings, but I am writing this one from bed, approaching midnight and completely drained, because I made the BIG mistake:
I ran out of time.
Like something from my sophomore year of college, I’ve been running on empty, finishing up projects in the nick of time and waiting for the energy to remember to get gas in my car or grab a snack (anyone else forgot to eat all day if they are working too hard?). As I wrapped up a time-sensitive project right before bed, I was struck with that dreaded Sunday evening revelation: “I forgot to do something and I don’t have time to take care of it before it’s due”
Now, I understand that none of you are actively holding me to a deadline. You may not even notice if I skip a day or seven sending out these emails, but the work matters to me. Even when I sat in fear for that brief moment thinking, “Do I write the newsletter and stay up even later or do I skip it, because there’s a chance nobody will notice anyway?” the overwhelming sense of wanting to do this work was at the forefront.
Evenso, it’s that split second of questioning that invites in the imposter syndrome and soon I caught myself thinking, “Why does anyone need this newsletter? Why read some person’s thoughts when the internet is already so oversaturated with opinions? Why tune in week after week to see updates that have, for the most part, remained the same, if dressed in different words each week?”
If I can’t get this thing out in just the way I anticipated or if I can’t follow my own advice perfectly from week to week, why should anyone give a shit what I’ve got to say?
This is when I remember that the work matters to me. Whether I have zero people opening these emails or the entire lot of you (which, thank you for an average 99% opens every week, holy moly!) I care deeply about creating and sharing and I care deeply about cultivating consistency and dependability with what I create. It may not always be perfect and not many of us operate well in all-or-nothing scenarios, but choosing to show up even a little (when you can) to what matters to you makes all the difference. It makes the mistakes and imperfections feel a bit more forgiving.